Are you a member of the Taliban?
If you're a bearded misogynist bent on enforcing the most brutal interpretation of Sharia law that the world has ever seen, then you might be a member of the Taliban. Find out in this issue's questionnaire....(more)

Trooping the dogmess
LONDON - Chaos was narrowly avoided at this years 'Trooping The Colour' as regiments of the Commonwealth and the British Army struggled to manoeuvre around a stray dog turd left by one of her majesty's beloved corgis...(more)

Ann Widdecombe to launch line of designer underwear
WESTMINSTER - Parliamentarian, columnist, author and reality TV star Anne Widdecombe extended her non-political accomplishments by announcing that she was currently in talks with value retailer Peacocks to design and promote a range of 'Anne Widdecombe Designer Lingerie'. Ms Widdecombe, who will join the likes of Elle Macpherson and Kylie Minogue (both of whom have launched underwear lines) was inspired following her eviction from Celebrity Fat Club, and the subsequent weight gain she suffered. "Throughout her life, a woman's weight will fluctuate, and I thought there was a gap in the market for underwear that looks no less attractive when accompanied with an extra stone of oscillating fat". The range, which should be in the shops by Christmas, will initially be available in 2 colours, Battleship Gusset and Menstrual Brown.

'Twitterer' omits to document frequency of masturbation
SOLIHULL: An enthusiastic adopter of 'Twitter' - a social networking service that allows 'micro-bloggers' to instantly send short text messages to friends and colleagues about their current activities - has chosen not to document the single act that keeps him away from his computer more than any other activity: regular acts of self abuse. Whilst software developer Jaz Clarkson feels compelled to keep readers up-to-date concerning his other physiological urges (recent tweets have included "Having a cup of coffee" and "Feeling really tied this morning"), his tweets fail to mention the constant acts of masturbation that punctuate Clarkson's working day. Meanwhile, dismayed colleagues have expressed their disbelief at "finally finding something that makes Jaz's blog read like a fucking Pulitzer Prize winner."